Thinking man
The whole universe is based on decisions. We decide to rather like this and that to change our mind after a while to not like that and rather like this. This is called duality. Everything appears to us as either good or bad, wave or particle, cold or hot, loved or hated. It is also called the trap of ‘maja’. The first step to get out of it, is to admit you got caught.
I have found I am changing my mind every few days. At first I really disliked that. I was getting mad at myself and built up a solid ammount of self-hatred. All could proceed easily downhill if once someone wouldn’t told me - “If you invest too much in intelligence, don’t expect life to be easy for you. The need to analyze everything will eventually kill you from inside. There are four major spheres of life. These are emotional, physical, spiritual and mind. Nowadays we concentrate lots of our energy to satisfy mind. We love explaining things. Basically we are becoming educated morrons with no emotional/physical and spiritual life.”
I thought that person is insane at the first moment I heard that. Then I started to be more and more balanced. I saw the pattern this person told me about. Today I do not waste energy on hating myself. I know I am keen to change my mind pretty often. This does not matter, as without that I could not learn. Experience by experience I am learning how to handle my emotions when I find I was not right. This makes me slightly more balanced at each change.
Handling relations is the hardest part. My loose and read-too-many-books mind makes me go mad a helluva lot. Its just because I over-interpret many signals. Its like if my dog will not wag his tail the same way like yesterday, I will think he is in a need for another carer and surely hates me. The power of mind is really paralyzing. I developed questioning mechanism to handle that. I simply ask people about things that seem uncertain to me and over all I pray a lot - asking God what should I do. After I get my answer I often need to laugh at myself.
I also satisfy my physical self. I love to dance, play football, walk in forest. I started to cook at my home, exploring all the tastes God could ever invent. I also slowly learn how important sense of touch really is. I started to laugh often (mostly of myself 
).
As for spirituality - I am completely over-spiritual right now. I admit I may be even orthodox and nearing borders, but I just need to counteract the years I was not at all spiritual and over-intellectual. I put feelings over thoughts at this moment. (again my mind dislikes that and puts tonnes of thoughts over my kg’s of feelings )
I am also more aware of the things I did in the past. I do not think that someone else will clean up this mess. I am well aware anything I did will come back to me.
I can foresee a big change in the future. I can not tell what it will be, however it has a lot to do with travelling and nature. I am nearing 27. Each 7 years there is a big change in our lifes. I can’t wait…
